Planning a Holiday Service
Having a holiday service provides a time for remembrance of their precious little ones for bereaved families. Whether the service is simple or more elaborate, it will provide great comfort during a very difficult season of family celebrations. As you begin planning, look at the talents of your staff or of the support staff, such as pastoral care, social workers, pastors and funeral homes. If this is not a hospital-based group, look at the many gifts of your support group’s members. You may be amazed at the sometimes hidden talents or resources you may find if you tell people you want to have a holiday service. Some of the individual talents may be a real organizer, a singer, a writer, or creative folks who can make ornaments or decorate the chosen place.
The first step is to determine the date, time and place for the service. Many will chose to use the December meeting night or a Saturday or Sunday afternoon. Services have been held in homes, chapels, churches or conference rooms, and even at an outside location. If you chose a church, make sure everyone knows the service is non-denominational. Choosing a theme gives you some direction with the poems, songs and decorations. Some theme suggestions are: “Light of Hope,” “The Gift,” “Candles in the Winter Night,” “Lights of Love,” or simply “Holiday Remembrance Service” or “Candlelight Memorial Service.”
The next step would be to pick out poetry, readings and songs. Another suggestion is to decide if you want to have a speaker that talks about your chosen theme. When choosing the speaker, be aware of their speaking abilities and also their capabilities of being sensitive to the families’ emotional needs and varied spiritual and religious beliefs.
Some suggestions for songs are:
- My Heart Will Go On by Celine Dion
- Light a Candle by Paul Alexander
- There You'll Be by Diane Warren
- All I ask of You by Gregory Norbert, Mary Davel Callahan
- I'm Your Angel by Celine Dion
- Hello Goodbye by Michael W. Smith
- Remember Me by Dianne Edwards
- To Where You Are by Josh Groban
- Glory Baby by Watermark
Others options are having a Children's choir sing or using instrumental string or piano music.
Some suggestions for poetry are:
- We Remember Them from “Bittersweet……hellogoodbye”
- Blessed are the Sorrowing: They Shall be Comforted - Unknown
Each poem is available per request and you have Share's permission to use the poems. In choosing poems and songs, it is helpful to begin the service with more emotional songs and poems and end with more hopeful or positive ones.
Next determine the structure of the service such as:
Welcome
Poem
Speaker's message
Poem
Candle lighting & reading of the baby/ies names
Song
Some groups have added special touches, such an open sharing time of 10-15 minutes of poems or special thoughts. If you choose this option, give it some structure by letting attendees know in your invitation that they can share a short poem or a few words about their growth, and in the program state, “We will now have some open sharing for about 10 minutes.” Others have added a time for decorating a tree, in which all members come up and place an ornament on the tree. Ornaments can be purchased or made fairly cheaply, and it is meaningful if the parents can write their child's name and date on the ornament. Placing the tree with the ornaments on it in a visible place, such as the hospital lobby or chapel, acknowledges the little ones during the holiday season.
If you choose to have a candle lighting, you may want to use dripless candles or votive holders with candles to avoid wax drippings. If you choose to read the babies’ names, make sure you have the phonetic pronunciation of each name. You can ask folks to sign in as they arrive, and may ask them to write down the pronunciation then. Also, choose a confidant reader of the names.
You may choose to light five big candles as your centerpiece or focal point, one for grief, one for courage, one for memory, one for love and lastly, one for hope. Then read the names and ask the family to come up and light their candle from the hope candle. The group can then remain in a circle for the last song. This has been a very moving and touching ritual.
Your program can be as simple as listing the agenda, selection titles, and peoples names, or may include typing every song and poem. It depends on the availability of time, energy and money. Sharing some goodies after the service allows for fellowship and additional sharing. Asking folks to bring an item has worked for us and it cuts down on your cost.
These events are memorable and well worth your time and sincere effort. Invite all your families on your mailing list, plus the caregivers that have served them. We guarantee a very special evening for all.
Some of the jobs:
- Determine major players, singer, reader, musicians
- Designer of invitation and program
- Typist of program
- Copying the program
- Mailing the invitation
- Selecting ornament
- Decorating place of service, including putting up a tree
- Setting up the event
- Cleaning up
- Organizing refreshments
- Set up of refreshments
Needs the Day of:
- Tables, table cloths
- CD Player, Organ, Extension cord
- Sign in sheet, pens
- Programs
- Candles, matches, lighters, drip pads
- Decorations
- Ornaments and hangers, permanent marker
- Food
- Paper products
